Every cultural subgroup has its own experiences and issues. 

For the LGBTQ+ community, it’s coming out of the closet. It can easily be one of the best or worst experiences a person can have. 

Of the respondents to a survey who thought coming out to family is necessary, the majority were straight and cisgendered.

But those who identified as part of the LGBTQ+ community said it’s unnecessary to come out to family.

Coming out to your family might look good on paper, but in practice it can be horrifying. The scariest part is not knowing how people will react.

“The fact that so many people have been rejected and put down is scary. Some LGBTQ+ kids are kicked out for being who they are, and it’s frightening,” said freshman Tyler Atherton in response to a survey.  

“Coming out is as necessary as you think it is,” junior Allyson Summers said. “When coming out as trans, non-binary or any other gender, I think it is necessary to come out when you are ready so people can address you with the correct pronouns. When coming out as gay, bisexual or any other sexuality, I think it depends on the individual and their situation as far as what their family and friends are like and how they would react.”

Many question whether they should come out. 

The simple answer is this: come out whenever you’re ready. 

There isn’t a right or wrong time to come out, and you shouldn’t feel pressured if you’re uncomfortable doing so.

Senior Nalah Stokes has three tips if you choose to come out:

1. Make sure you are in a safe environment when you do come out.
2. When you are telling the person you want to come out to, let them have a minute to process. Remember, you have had years to think about this, but they’re just finding out.
3. If you are nervous, come out in a fun and wacky way that will cheer you up.

Wondering how somebody who is straight and/or cisgendered can support those who are LGBTQ+?

“If you are asked to use certain pronouns. Use them. Don’t push  heterosexuality on them. Stick up for them if they are being bullied. Just accept them for who they are, not what’s between their legs or who they like,” Stokes said.

This may seem obvious. But there are people who can’t seem to wrap their minds around the concept of treating people decently, even if you don’t agree with the things they do.

“My worst experience was probably at Derby High School, to be honest,” junior Addison Pagels said. “I have the “Hamblin pass” for gender neutral bathrooms and teachers having to respect my pronouns, but to be honest that hasn’t really changed anything. I was in a class one day and was brave enough to correct someone using the wrong pronouns for me, yet was met with ‘having male pronouns doesn’t make you male.’”

At DHS, transgender students who want to have their preferred names and pronouns used by teachers and in the yearbook and newspaper, must meet with their parents and principal Tim Hamblin.

“I think it’s not the teachers so much, but rather the kids in class who will hear the teacher use he/him pronouns for me and then promptly decide to be idiots about it,” Pagels said. “It’s not a very welcoming environment at Derby when kids in the hallway call you fag and use gay as a pejorative.”

With society being as heteronormative as it is, members of the LGBTQ+ community often feel pressured to come out. Sometimes they feel less validated in their identities if they aren’t out.

But junior Alivia Bolain has a message for those students.

“To any kid that reads this and is closeted and scared, you’re valid and loved,” she said.