When artist R. Kelly was asked in a 2008 interview if he liked to date teenage girls, he said,“how old are we talking?”

More than 10 years later, he was charged with 10 counts of aggravated criminal sexual abuse concerning girls as young as 15. His trial continued through late September.

“Grooming is a relationship with the intention to abuse, manipulate or exploit them,” said Lindsey Moss, a mental health therapist based in Derby. “Some things to look for are when they are dating someone significantly older, when it’s encouraged to keep the relationship a secret and isolating the victim from friends or family.”

Over 200,000 teens may have been groomed over social media, a National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children survey revealed. One in nine girls under 18 are sexually abused or assaulted by an adult, according to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network.

These statistics are not unrelated. 

“(Grooming), it’s subtle,” counselor Daniel Harrison said. “We talk about trophy wives, trophy girlfriends and people see this stuff and think ‘hey, wouldn’t it be fun to date an old guy?’”

This issue is more prevalent than ever, especially in relationships between a senior and a freshman. 

“A relationship between an 18- and 14-year-old doesn’t mix right with me,” junior Kylee Tretheway said. “I feel like younger girls haven’t developed enough knowledge to realize the weight of what they’re doing. I feel like a senior could really take advantage of that.”

Senior Kamaren Dorsey disagreed.

“Age is just a number,” he said. “Once you get out of high school, age difference ain’t a thing by the end of the day. As long as the girl feels OK. I personally wouldn’t do it, though.”

Junior Max Chisham agrees with Dorsey’s need for consent.

“Consent feels almost forced upon the younger person in those relationships because their partner is older,” Chisham said. “We just are taught that people who are older than us know best. So because of that, a lot of people feel like they have to consent and do whatever that older person tells them to.”

Sophomore Sydney Coslett believes there’s a way to handle the difficulties, though.

“In those relationships it’s important to set boundaries and be careful with the decisions you make,” Coslett said. 

Although grooming is usually viewed in a certain heteronormative way, it can happen to anybody.

“Adult women can also groom and abuse teenage boys, and this can happen in same-sex relationships, as well,” Moss said.

Harrison offered his philosophy regarding healthy relationships.

“You want relationships to be a partnership, you want to have a sense of genuine friendship and togetherness, an age difference makes that hard sometimes,” Harrison said